What do you think of my poem "Electronic People"?

“Electronic People”





This hope


You put in front of my way


The hands of a child I hold


Wrapped around me like a teddy bear


The people of the world


Together, united


In suffering, in pain


In love, close


But far away





Do you feel his smile?


Do you see her eyes?


When you’re on the bus


Thinking nobody sees you


Then you feel eyes penetrating your soul


Searching for answers in other peple’s hearts


Can we help each other?


Can we support one another?


Coz we’re too alone in our lives


Closed up in our boxes


Faces burnt with the TV light


Eyes stinging from the computer sight


Thinking we’re close to those electronic people


But we’re so far away


Can they touch you?


Can they feel your body’s warmth?


Can they hug you to feel comfort?





We’re monkeys trapped in cages


Blown to another level


Up and down


Higher technology


Lower humanity


Where are we going?


So far away from ourselves


So far away from our hearts


So far away from nature


So far away from flowers and trees


Coalas and bears


People, your own kids





I’m crying now


In this pillow of mine


Electric blanket to warm me


Artificial light to make me happy


I wanna see your smile


I want you to hug me


Coz I’m so alone in this electronic world


I forgot, where is my home?|||I Like it!!! very expressive...|||Wow this is really great. My favorite part is:





"Faces burnt with the TV light


Eyes stinging from the computer sight


Thinking we’re close to those electronic people


But we’re so far away


Can they touch you?"





I had to write a research paper last year for a college history class called "Technology is Creating a 21st Century Slave Culture". It was on the affects of technology on society. It is such an interesting topic and people get so defensive about it. Its definitely a two-sided debate and I could argue for either side: technology is advancing the world and making it better VS technology will be the downfall of us all.





So congratulations on your topic choice and your literary structure is also very nice. The work has a nice flow to it. Continue writing :) You are very good.